Origin of Mental Apparatus

I wish that I could remember which psychology book I was reading when the words “Mental Apparatus” popped out of the page and into the deep recesses of my brain. I know that it was a psychology book because I was completing a reading list assignment over the summer that my professor had given me to read. I must have read those books in 2009 or 2010 and I still own some of them. Now I will have to go on a mission to read them all again.
Either way, when I saw those two words sitting in a paragraph, they struck me because I do think of my brain as an apparatus. My goal in life is to continuing learning, writing, and being a person within my society. It is so easy to lose myself in my computer wasting time checking my email over and over. It is so easy to skip going to the gym or not writing anything for weeks at a time. It is so easy to buy a book and not read it. In general, I want to participate in my life and I think of my mental apparatus as the first place to start.
One major life event I have been striving to complete this year is my first novel. Ever since High School I was obsessed with writing, always wanting to write a book. I wrote several short stories but nothing ever stuck. Then I went to college with the intention of being an English Major with a concentration in Creative Writing. I ended up in Psychology, with a lot of creative writing classes following me out of college. When I finished that degree, I found a full-time job then decided to get an MBA since it seemed like a nice step. I love having my MBA and it is a very important part of my academic life. However,during the time I was working full time and going to school full time, I did not write.
Now, it is 2016 and I am 27 years old. It is time to write my book. As of today, I am 52,056 words into my novel. I am just now getting to the part where everything awful happens and I am not sure how I am going to un-awful it as of yet. I have been working on this story for about a year, with some unfortunate moments when I did write, sprinkled with some self-obsessed writers block. Now, I have reverted back to pre-school and an award system. My system consists of my filling in a “goal circle” for each 1,000 words I write. Then for every two thousand words I write, I get to color in one of those upside down triangles as though I am collecting these words for charity.
These words, donated or not, are all for my wellbeing. I can’t imagine going any longer without finally writing this story I didn’t even know was brewing in my brain. In fact, I wrote two outlines and this story did not adhere to them at all. My characters were not interest my by plot lines or my tediously written notes. I think the story is better for that which is why I am still going.
In all my musings, I am reaching for that goal of 80,000 for a fiction novel. I know that I will have to go back and REALLY edit my story since midway through the entire plot shifted when I decided to combine one plot with another plot of a different story I had failed to write. I am beginning to think that false start of a story was supposed to alway be part of this story I am writing now, I just didn’t realize it until midway through.
Even though writing is my main topic right at this moment, I have many other interests as well. Although I enjoy having my mental apparatus up and going, I would like to document it which is why I am beginning this blog. Once again, a false start I’ve done in the past. I think it is meant to happen now.

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